Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
-A. Whitney Brown
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright
When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- Stephen Wright.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
--Sue Murphy
I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
-Bruce Baum
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeners.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
- Yogi Berra
He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed.
- Robert Gronock.
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler
Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers.
- Frank King, Winter Olympic Games organizing committee chairman.
Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.
- Mark Knopfler.
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks.
- Barrymore.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- Mork, Mork and Mindy
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
- Dick Cavett
When you come to a fork in the road, take it!
- Yogi Berra
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields.
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
- Dolph Sharp
-A. Whitney Brown
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright
When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- Stephen Wright.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
--Sue Murphy
I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
-Bruce Baum
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeners.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
- Yogi Berra
He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed.
- Robert Gronock.
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler
Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers.
- Frank King, Winter Olympic Games organizing committee chairman.
Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.
- Mark Knopfler.
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks.
- Barrymore.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- Mork, Mork and Mindy
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
- Dick Cavett
When you come to a fork in the road, take it!
- Yogi Berra
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields.
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
- Dolph Sharp
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